I haven't written in ages, but I don't really have that much to say. Which I guess is a good thing, because it means I'm losing my desire to tell people things about my life through a stupid internet blog and hopefully telling them the same things face to face, or at least over the phone.

Life, in general, is going pretty well. This summer hasn't been easy, but I'm becoming more comfortable here. Still very excited to leave, however. I haven't done enough reading, catching up with people, etc., but when do we ever?!

Work is pretty stressful, but good. For people who don't know, I'm working with a friend at a local florist's making floral arrangements for weddings and other such festive occasions (what a ridiculously long job description). I like it a lot, and that in turn makes me like it more, because -- if this makes any sense -- liking what I'm doing is a new, positive experience. And regardless of the many, many scars I now have because of rose thorns and whatnot, working with flowers smells nice and is easy on the eyes (unlike slicing hunks of meat in a deli for sweaty, permed, fanny-pack wearing mothers.)

4.5 weeks till I'm back at Beloit... a little sad to leave some people here, but ready to return to classes, structure, and general college life. For people at home with whom I still have not gotten together, I go back Aug. 26th, and we should make plans before then.

It's been a while. I'm only writing now because I have a 6-8 page paper due tomorrow and feel like procrastinating. I had no exams, but had lots of essays (16 pages for Creative Writing, 14 for Multicultural Psychology, 5 for Philosophy, 4 for Feminism) and 3 others projects on the side.

That said, I will be done by noon tomorrow. Then I will sleep, pack, and chainsmoke like my life depends on it simply because I can.

I can't believe that as of Wednesday, my freshman year of college will be over.

I'm not really ready for that. I feel like I've grown and matured a lot this year, but maybe I'm deluding myself and I haven't changed at all. Can't tell for sure.







Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

So I've decided to put a new hole in my face:

I'm getting my lip pierced.

Yup, yup, yup, I am. Not on the side, I'm getting a ring in the middle of the bottom lip. I tested it out with a fake ring and I absolutely love it, my friends are behind it 100%, and I totally trust their opinions.

The only problem is this summer, because my parents will probably hate it (not to mention grandparents) but if I get it done now, I can take it out come warmer weather, if I need to.

So hurrah! I'm psyched as fuck.

Swim is finally over, season ended really well; 6:40 for the 500, 2:28 (*gag*) for the 200, and 1:05 for the 100 free. Part of my really wants to do it next year, but part of me knows it'd be a stupid fucking idea. We'll see.

School is good. It's a lot harder to do well here than in high school, and I'm struggling (especially in philosophy), but as long as I keep my scholarship, I'm okay with not being an A student. Although it'd be nice...

Boys I'm trying not to worry about. I've settled down a lot in that regard. I'm still hung up on one guy, and I find that very irritating because I like to be in control, and I'm not. But hopefully that'll get better.

I couldn't care less than I'm not dating anyone, because the people in my life are amazing and I've got too many friends and not enough time. There are people I don't get along with too, but I'm trying this thing where I don't worry about their shit and I take care of me. It's pretty great.

I've been writing a lot lately, and I'm really proud of what I'm turning out. I guess it's slam poetry-ish. I think the reason I like rap is because of it's internal rhyme, and that's transferring over into my poetry. I love having time to write.

Well, that's my life. I'll keep you posted.

La la la. Not much to say, but thought I should update anyways.

Classes started Tuesday, I'm fucka excited for this semester. I'm taking 3 intro classes, to philosophy, feminism, and creative writing, all of which I'm really psyched for. My other class is multicultural psychology, which I predict will be awesome. So basically, I'm a geek and I really love going to class. Hurrah!

Swim's alright. Depends on the day. Winter Training from the 4th to 14th was a bitch, 10,000 yards a day is not easy or enjoyable. But now that I know I've got less than a month left, it doesn't seem so bad. Swam my 500 in 6:52 last Saturday, which was really exciting since my best ever was 6:51 and I know I'm getting better. I'm a lot closer to my team mates than I was, but I still miss TEGS like a person on Atkins misses carbs (i.e. a lot).

Friends are lovely, boys I'm ignoring, drinking and smoking I'm quitting until swim is over. Basically, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. (Although last night I had a dream that I was growing back hair. That was not so happy.) But in general, I'm fanfuckingtastic!

Beloit = wonderful. I'm glad I still feel that way about it. I know a couple people who are transferring next semester and I feel badly that they didn't love it here as much as I do. But I've definitely surrounded myself with an amazing group of people. Mostly girls, but there are a few guys here too that I just feel completely comfortable with, and it's beautiful. Basically, I love the people here.

Boys are not so great, but hey, what else is new? I've discovered that I have this terrible habit of only wanting what I can't have. Well, I guess the two I'm thinking of I did have, but not anymore, and only once I couldn't have them was I interested, But I'm proud of myself, I deleted one guy's number from my phone after I stupidly (read: drunkenly) called him last weekend, so no more temptation!

School is good. My grades aren't so great, but I talked to my mom about it, and when I told her that I wasn't a B student, why was I only getting Bs, she said "maybe you're a B student at Beloit." Which is upsetting, but rational. As my English professor says, "this isn't high school anymore." I guess I should just relax and do my best, I don't have to get a 4.0. My focus should be on learning and being happy.

Swim, as always, is stressing me the fuck out. I don't think I'll do it next year. It's just too much, and there's so many other things I want to do that I can't because I have to go to fucking swim practice. I like the team, I finally feel like I'm clicking with some of the people, but it's not worth it to stress myself out the way I do.

Longer entry than I intended to write, and I guess it sounds like I'm unsatisfied, which is not true at all. On the whole, I'm loving it here and loving my life, but I do miss everyone in Tosa. I'll be home from Dec. 20th-Jan 4th, and I want to see everyone, so call or message or something so we can make plans!

Haven't written in a while... I've been pretty up and down lately, I guess. There's lots of... not drama, necessarily, but just cases of The Emo going around. I'm tired of getting dressed up and being let down by parties. Friday night I went to the bar on campus where there was a heavy metal concert, and it felt amazing to be in the mosh pit and hardcore slam into people twice my size. (Catharsis much?!) I got punched in the jaw by a drunken Russian kid, but hey, it happens.

Then tonight was not so good, everyone seems to be disappointed with how the evening went. Basically, we're tired of parties where drunk kids grind on each other, which is what the nightlife here seems to consist of. We just need to figure this out and stop going to these parties. We have a much better time when we all just hang out. It's not like there aren't tons of interesting things to do on campus, it's just that when the weekend rolls around, everyone's priority is getting as fucked up as possible.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I got fucked over by some guy again. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my morals, but at the same time I feel like I'm missing out. I don't want to date, but I don't want to just keep playing the field either. I'm tired of that game. I just... don't want to be used or objectified anymore.

Or maybe I'm just overtired because swim is stressing me the fuck out, and there's never time to sleep, and winter's coming and I feel myself slipping. I've got too much at stake here to let shit affect me as much as it does, but I can't ever be one of those people who goes through life unaffected.

I can't wait to come home, basically. Just for a few days. I need a break.

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Life is beautiful, la la la. I have the most amazing friends here, I am so comfortable right where I am. Tonight should be bitchin', I've got vodka, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and a skanky-ass outfit (eat your heart out). I may be sleep-deprived, but caffeine is fabulous, and I am ready to enjoy myself. Also, New Lust Interest talked to me today, and when I told him my plans, said he might show. Repeat of a couple Fridays ago? Yes please.

Brain is not currently working, and I haven't even started drinking yet!

Yay life <3

I don't have that much to say. Beloit is still fucking amazing, though I'm really excited to go home the 13th-22nd and just relax (GUYS -- MAKE PLANS WITH ME!!!). I'm partying less, but still enough (generally 2 or 3 nights per week), and I haven't been sick since that one bad night! Every night since has been freakin' aaaawwwwwweeeeeeesome.

Boys are good, I'm enjoying them very much :). I still haven't obtained The It, but don't worry, it'll happen!

I go dancing a lot, and I fucking love it. We also have breakdance parties in my room a lot. The girls on my floor are absolutely amazing, we've all totally bonded and we get along great. I'm feeling really comfortable and very at home here. Homework isn't getting done, but I'm getting good feedback from my teachers and my grades are fine, so everything's okay.

My new favorite activity is Stoop Crew, where the 5 regulars (myself, Angela, Maryn, Andrew, and Alex) and whoever else cares to join us sit outside Chapin and smoke (or don't smoke, as the case might be). It's just a wonderful break from homework, it's very amusing, and it's a great way to harass people coming into our building! I look forward to it every day.

Well, that's all I think I've got to tell, at least in this format. Phone calls/IMs are always welcome, and if you're going to be home when I'll be there, please, let's make plans!

JUST KIDDING!

I NOW HAVE GIRLFRIENDS!

And it's fanfreakingtastic. I love hugs and sitting in the hallway eating cookies at 4 in the morning. I love love love it!

And I was completely responsible about my drinking last night. I'll be good.







Also:

I have a project.

I have been admiring it for some time -- it's absolutely beautiful -- and last night Angela definitely noticed it looking at us (*hopefully* me?). So it knows who we are. And I want it. And make no mistake -- I am going to have it.

Just wait.

Wow.

I love boys.

It's actually fantastic not being attached. Although -- way to go, Molly -- I just ended up dancing [grinding] with my ex's roommate for the past couple hours, who is completely adorable and who I'm sort of in love with, but the friend kind of love... I think. But it'd be really awkward to -- *is not a whore* -- switch beds and start hanging out in his instead, so I don't know if I can afford to go there.

And last night, I hung out with these guys who are awesome, one of whom I'm definitely in love with, but that's never going to work, but I want really badly. And the night before, I was with these other guys, all who are adorable, one of whom is beautiful but I can't read at all... And there's this boy I keep seeing around campus, and the sight of him pretty much makes me want to rip my clothes off right there. Then there's a couple guys who obviously want me -- *is not trying to be obnoxious, just stating facts* -- but who I'm not into at all, but are very sweet. GODDAMN. So many boys, so little time!

...wow.

I am such a pimp.

And you know what? Not having girlfriends is okay, because guys will give me liquor, hugs, and good music. In that order. Which, let's be honest, is really all I need.

So I miss home, and I miss all my friends, sure.

But I am loving my life.

This is not the way I want people to find out about my life, but it's increasingly difficult to get ahold of anyone, so this'll have to make do.

I don't know how this happened.

I don't know what I was so worried about.

I met this boy already. I've been here one week, and already I've got someone I could potentially be with. And I don't want to jinx it, and I don't really want to talk about it, because it's so perfect. He's so perfect. He's well-read, intelligent, a writer, he creates music, and he's completely beautiful and totally my type. It's bordering on too-good-to-be-true. We've been hanging out like crazy, and I didn't think he was really into me, but he said he is and I'm so into him and it's so wonderful and... ugh, I'm gushing. I just can't even describe how happy I am to have found him.

But I have to go, because we're going on a field trip soon and I'm still wearing his sweater because I freaking love it and I'd better take it off because I don't wanna seem creepy or anything but I NEVER WANT TO TAKE IT OFF.

I didn't think it could happen this fast, but I want to get to know everything about him.

I. Am so. Happy.

Hey everyone!

I'm a college girl!

I got to Beloit yesterday afternoon, and the first twenty-something hours have been awesome. It's a bit awkward still, because people don't know each other yet. But since I already lost my key and can't get into my building, I've met a lot of interesting people by asking them to let me in. It's inconvenient, but I'll talk to my RA and get a new one, hopefully really soon.

I'll update more later, promise, but I've got homework to actually start doing. Gotta read this really boring-ass book by tomorrow... and if I do it now, I can party tonight! Ice cream social, anyone?

<3 to all.

Alright.

"Snakes on a Plane" party will at 9:05 PM on Friday, August 19th at Mayfair Mall.

I would recommend you either preorder your tickets, or plan to show up really early.

You'd better be there! It's my last night in Tosa, and I want it to be a blast.

<3





P.S. If anyone is willing to offer rides, that would be fabulous. Let me know.

Okay, so "Snakes on a Plane" times on Friday:

7:00 PM
9:05 PM
9:45 PM

What time works best for people? And who wants to hang out before/after?

Okay, so I've been working really hard at getting all my forms in at Beloit because I know they're all due before I get there on Saturday. Every single thing had been sent in except my health forms, which I couldn't find. I thought, "okay, I'll look on the website and fill them out today, send them in by the 18th".

rOWng!

I couldn't find the forms anywhere because MY MOM HAD THEM. My mom, who's been bitching at me that I'm not moving fast enough, I'm not gonna get it done, blah blah blah. If she had bothered to look through her fucking piles of stuff, she would have seen them.

The best part?

The forms are due TODAY.

Not before I arrive on campus. To-motherfucking-day. And evidently, I need a physical by today, which I know from experience is impossible to get when you actually need it. Not only do I need the physical pretty much RIGHT NOW, I need to have the forms in RIGHT NOW.

If I get on campus and can't start classes because my mom was disorganized, it will just be further proof that I cannot take living here any longer.

I just want to be there already...

I figured this was the best way to reach as many of my friends as possible, so here goes:

If you have anything that belongs to me -- books, CDs, movies, clothes, etc. -- I would really appreciate it if you would make an effort to return these items to be in the next 12 days.

I know I am missing lots of stuff that I would definitely like to have back in my possession. So if you do have something of mine, please return it.

Thanks <3

Okay, kids. Let's marvel at how cosmic life is:

I leave for Beloit the 19th.

"Snakes on a Plane" opens on the 18th.

Coincidence? I think not!!!

So on the 18th, prepare for a SoaP party at the Rosebud in Tosa. Call me for details. We'll have to get there early (Jimbo, what time is the night showing?!) in order to get tickets. But if you wanna see myself off before I leave, be there or don't be watching the best movie ever.

708.5028, kids.